Sean aka Diesel (Cocker Brothers Book 14) Read online

  I just want Luke to forgive Atlas so our crew can go back to the way we were.

  Sean touches my arm as he passes me to put his empty plate in the dishwasher. His look says he knows how worried I am. It’s a little show of friendship, and I give him a smile for it.

  All of a sudden Atlas creates a hiccup in the many conversations, asking over the sound of them and the TV, “Can I talk to you, Luke?”

  The answer comes through gritted teeth, “Sure,” as he exchanges a charged look with Sofia. They both stand and she picks up his plate to carry to the sink. Before he disappears outside his admiring gaze follows her, no longer hiding how he feels about my best friend.

  Sage is sitting next to me on the couch, and I glance over as she pinches my arm, “They’re so cute.”

  “Aren’t you wondering what’s going on out there?”

  “Luke’s going to kick Atlas’s ass, that’s what.” She gives this smirk like she wants that to happen.

  Well I don’t.

  Even if I believe Atlas shouldn’t have snitched I still want forgiveness to bring us all back together. Setting my plate on the coffee table I hurry outside, behaving as casually as I can while I squint into the darkness to see what they’re up to. “You guys want some pie?”

  Atlas’s voice drifts on the wind. “We’re not gonna fight, Ceels.”

  Tucking my fingers in my back pockets I lie, “Didn’t think you were. Just checking how many we need to cut.”

  The screen door clatters and Sean walks up to my side. I glance to him, a silent thank you for backing me up. Atlas has really warmed up to Sean and the feeling is mutual, so together we wait to show him we’re here and he’s not alone, and to stop fists from flying when tempers ignite.

  Atlas trudges to us, and I exhale, hands dropping to my side as I whisper, “You okay?”

  He opens the door for me. “I’ll have some pie, Ceels,” he answers loudly enough for Luke to hear. The three of us start to go in, but Luke calls to Sean that he wants to talk to him.

  We leave him out there, walk inside and head for the pie though neither of us really wants any. As soon as normal conversations restart in the TV room, Atlas quietly grumbles to me, “What’s that about? Why does he want to talk to him?”

  Sofia was listening, and she snaps, “We were the ones who found Sean, remember?” The club goes silent as she growls, “Luke wants to see how he’s doing here. That okay with you, Atlas? Not everything revolves around you, you selfish...” Her lips tightly lock against the cuss word, not allowing it to fall from her sharp tongue. We Ciphers don’t call each other names when we really mean them. Teasing, yes. In anger, no. Words can cut if you’re not careful. And it’s a wound that can take years to heal, if it ever does. This house may be huge but it’s too small for that bullshit.

  With everyone looking at him, Atlas storms out, ashamed, embarrassed. Helpless.

  We hear Meg and Honey Badger returning from the grand parlor where they’d eaten their meal with Jett and Luna. Out of view, they ask Atlas where he’s going.

  He mutters, “To bed.”

  Sage rolls her eyes, which disgusts me.

  Upset, I look for support, scanning the faces of everyone present—Fuse, Melodi, Scythe, Denita, my dad, mom and my brother. “We’re a family! We stick together! And we forgive.”

  Meg and the Badger pause at my words as they walk in. Their eyes flicker with comprehension that something happened in here with Atlas. They turn around to go help their son.

  But Sage’s voice rings out, “No! It’s gotta be me.”

  Surprised they watch her disappear and Meg locks eyes with me to whisper an emotional, “Thank you!”

  Clearing her throat, Melodi offers, “I’ll make him some hot cocoa with marshmallows.”

  My brother rises from the couch. “I’ll bring it up to him. I’m the least involved.” At my look he shrugs, “It’s not a big deal, Ceels. Don’t worry about me.”

  “I would if you’d stop pointing out that you’re on the outside.”

  “I don’t point it out. I’m just stating a fact. If I go up there, Atlas won’t bite my head off because I’m not really a part of any of the drama here. I’m like Switzerland.”

  Sighing I lean against the granite counter and take little comfort in that cocoa delivery.

  CHAPTER 23

  SEAN

  A s I tug on my sneakers to head into the house after training a couple days later, Celia asks me, “Can you hold up a second?” Hesitating, I walk back onto the padded ground, barefoot and sweaty like her.

  “Sure, what’s up?”

  “Is everything okay between us?”

  Bouncing my mitts against one leg I offer a noncommittal, “We’re fine.”

  “You seem a little distant.”

  “Just focused. Lot to learn.”

  And your heart is somewhere else.

  Plus, Luke said…

  “Yeah,” she whispers, eyes traveling to her fingernails as she brings one up to bite it. Deciding against it, she crosses her arms. “You want to see a movie later? Maybe get the group of us to go?”

  “I’m going to watch some videos on guns. See if I can’t get ahead of the game before we start that round of training tomorrow.”

  Her smile grows as she releases her doubt. “Such a badass.”

  Snatching her boots off the ground she heads inside with them lightly swinging. I stare after her.

  Her instincts are right—I’ve been distant. But I can’t tell her why.

  I’ve got all kinds of ideas of how to make that lonely look in her eyes go away. Gritting my teeth I stare off into the backyard and shake my head once, irritated.

  In the kitchen I discover Sage teasing Atlas, a welcome sight since she and her brother have barely spoken since I got to Louisiana. They must have buried the hatchet because they’re both laughing as he grabs a protein shake from the fridge. His eyes flick to me. “You wanna shower first?”

  “Yeah,” I smile, catching the shake he throws to me so he can keep talking to his sister.

  In the hallway I run into Celia’s father. Tonk Sr. is lanky, a big guy, not as grey as Jett, but also blonde. Celia and Sofia Sol have that bi-racial thing in common, but both look less white, more Latin.

  “Lemme talk to ya a second, Sean.”

  “Sure, Tonk.”

  He glances around to make sure we’re alone, “Listen, Jett told us about that guy you saved. The real story. Now don’t shut down! We need to know this shit if you’re going to become one of us.” I relax a little, because it’s true. No denying I need all their votes. With respect in his tone he surprises me by confiding, “When I was a kid, my dad was a real piece of work. That’s why he’s never met Celia or Junior. I uh, went through what you did.” He holds my look to infer he means the abuse. I nod and he inhales, staring at the wall like the memories are before him all over again. “I’ve had dreams about him, me telling him what a shit-hole he was, how much I hate him. If I came up on him now, I’d like to think I’d knock the fucker down.” Meeting my eyes he admits, “But I probably would have saved him, too. Lucky for me I’m old so he’s probably long gone. Must have sucked being you that day.” Clapping a hand on my shoulder he leans in. “I respect the hell out of what you did.” He moves on and I exhale the rest of my tension. Didn’t get a chance to tell him Carlo wasn’t my father, and I’m not sure if he thinks he was, but I’ll clear that up later. It wasn’t the important thing—Tonk wanted to get off his chest what was haunting him.

  As I reach the second story, Celia emerges from the bathroom, freshly showered, her long dark hair in wet waves over a tattered terry cloth robe. She waves at me and continues onward to her room, smelling fucking incredible, bare feet leaving a damp trail I follow as my eyes slide up the backs of her naked calves, corded with muscle, the swaying hips as she tightens the belt and disappears, the antique door handle loudly clicking behind her. I swear under my breath at how badly I want that woman. If she’s not meant fo
r me, then God has a wicked sense of humor.

  Stripping naked I lock the door to make sure nobody walks in on the beating I’m about to give my cock. With hot water slipping down my body, rinsing sweat, blood, and hard work away, I grab a firm hold of my hardening length and groan with relief. As I imagine Celia in here just seconds before me, I give myself a good pounding that builds in intensity with each passing second.

  She was under this stream.

  That body that I can’t stop lusting after during training was naked right here in this same spot. Those painted on leggings, she stripped those motherfuckers off, stood completely naked right where I’m standing.

  Ceels was all skin, breasts glistening, ass curved under the pressure of this exact shower.

  My thick vein bulges under my fingers as my cock turns crimson, head increasingly more sensitive with every pump of my desperate fist. Groaning I picture that I’m inside her, hearing her moan. She’s opening her lips for my kiss, her legs for my cock. She’s whispering my name…Atlas.

  My eyes fly open, fantasy completely fucking ruined.

  Cussing a million words in one breath I drop my wilting erection and grab the soap.

  The door bangs as Atlas shouts, “Don’t use all the hot water!”

  Forcing myself to be casual I call back to him, “I’m coming out!”

  But I’m not cumming.

  And that’s the last time I torture myself.

  I must focus on one thing.

  Only one.

  Enough with the unrequited attraction shit.

  I’ve got work to do.

  CHAPTER 24

  C ELIA

  A fter a month, Sage and I have had enough.

  We corner Sofia Sol in the kitchen at lunchtime. Her grey eyes widen as a smile tugs at her lips. “What’s this?”

  I snatch her plate, “You’re eating with just us today.”

  “Forced girls-time!” Sage shoves her toward the hall. “We’re taking over the big parlor. Already have it set up.”

  Sofia Sol laughs, “Candlelight and everything?”

  “You’ve had enough candlelight!” Sage fake-growls, tossing her bottles of water. “Catch!”

  One after the other three fly through the air. The first two are fine but the third is a teensy bit clumsy. Always funny to make our sexy friend look awkward.

  Sage and I corral our smitten badass through the rest of the amused Ciphers.

  Luke walks into the TV room and sees us heading down the hall with everyone laughing. “What’s going on?”

  “We’re taking your fiancé away from your bad influence!” I shout.

  “Help!” She reaches for him.

  Acting the part, he starts for her, pretending to be pissed.

  But Sean grabs him, giving him a bear-hold from behind. “I’ve got him! Run, Forrest Run!”

  Over the fresh round of laughter, Sage melodramatically sings, “I love you, brother, but you are hoarding our friend! We need two hours with her at least, all to our damn selves!”

  I jump into view and point at those sapphires, “Keep him on lock down, Sean!”

  He gives a devilish grin, “You can count on me!” sending a zing into my chest that I refuse to pay attention to. He’s been so distant with me, so unlike how he was in the beginning. Trouble is, it’s not just Atlas and I training him anymore.

  I guess the original bond I felt from him, the one that came so easily, was just a natural result of his needing a friend in the club. Now he’s got five, including Sage. Six, if you include my brother who occasionally joins us. And they seem to get along really well.

  In fact he spends more time talking with Tonk Jr. than with me.

  We are never, ever, alone. When we eat as a group, I don’t catch him looking at me. I’ve become un-special, if that’s even a word. It is now.

  I miss his wink.

  Even that grin he just gave wasn’t for me. It was for the family who has started to become his own.

  Pulling the sting out of my heart I force a smile as Sage locks the big parlor door, “You’re trapped! Aha!”

  Soph strolls to the coffee table we’ve piled with food. “You guys are too funny,” she laughs while setting the water bottles down. “It’s been that bad?”

  Plopping onto one of our comfy velvet armchairs I blurt, “Yes! It has been that bad, yes!”

  Picking up a strawberry Soph smirks, “You don’t have his cock.”

  Sage covers her face. “This is my brother you’re talking about!”

  “We talk about sex in our girl time.”

  “Ugh.”

  Chewing my BBQ sauce smothered burger, I kick Sage’s foot. “Get over it. I don’t want to censor our conversations.”

  Soph laughs, “I just saw all your food, Ceels. And I mean allll of it!” To Sage she flatly says, “We need to talk about everything, or it’s fucking boring. Gawd, Melodi really hooked us up!”

  “Fine, I’ll do my best not to gag.” Snatching up a french fry, she says, “I know, right? She even made these in the frier so we could have something different than tots! Get in my mouth!”

  “You know what I love best about training?” Sofia selects a fry with the perfect amount of crispiness. “That I can eat anything I want. In fact, I need to eat a lot to have enough fuel to stay strong.”

  Smiling I lean back with my yummy burger. “It is a plus, but there’s something better than even that.” The girls cock their eyebrows, waiting. “Knowing you’ll never be raped.”

  They nod with Sage adding, “No guy, if he looked at me, would think that I could take him down to the ground and pound his head in the pavement until he begged me to stop.”

  “It’s fucking badass is what it is,” Sofia Sol says through a mouthful, pushing a wayward onion back between her lips. “I never get tired of the surprised look I get when some really big motherfucker realizes I can get out of the chokehold he thought he had me in.”

  “Fuck being choked,” I grumble. “Fuck that shit all the way to hell and back. No no no.”

  Sage uncorks her water bottle. “You have no idea what they’re going to do when you’re unconscious. It’s so sick I can’t even get my head around it.”

  “That’s because you live in a bubble of paintings and stencils.”

  “Soph, that’s not fair!”

  “I’m just saying, if you witnessed the things that Celia and I do, you wouldn’t feel any disbelief.”

  “It’s true,” I nod.

  “Whatever. Not everyone is meant to do what you guys do.”

  “We know that, Sage. You do you.”

  Soph mutters, “At least you know how to defend yourself. I take comfort knowing that about you when I’m out on the road and I see some girl, pretty as you are, lying in a damn dumpster.”

  “Okay! Let’s change the subject!” Sage covers her ears. “I can’t take this much reality.”

  Rolling her eyes, Sofia Sol turns to me. “What I want to know is, what’s happening with you and Sean?”

  I stop munching, eyebrows furrowed. With my mouth full I shrug, “Nothing.”

  “I catch you looking at him all the time, Ceels. You’re really fucking obvious about it.”

  Horrified I share a glance with Sage to silently ask if that’s true. She give me a yes-you-idiot tilt of her head.

  “That’s total bullshit,” I mutter, opening the cap for a drink. “You guys are trying to bait me but there’s no way you can. Because it’s not true.” They stare at me. “It’s not!” More staring. “Look, if I’ve been watching him it’s to see his progress. Soph, you weren’t here when I was working my butt off to get him in shape, because you were off fucking your brains out with Sage’s brother.” This elicits the scream of disgust I wanted, and takes the attention off me.

  But my stubborn Sofia Sol isn’t deterred, “Is it because he doesn’t seem interested in you?”

  My heart drops to the floor. “Ouch,” I mutter, dropping the pickle I’d just picked up.


  Sage hisses, “Sofia!”

  “What?” She leans on her elbow, crossing her legs like the epitome of sophistication even though she’s wearing torn up jeans and a black tank top over her huge rack.

  I give her a fake, nonchalant shrug. “It’s fine. I don’t care. Just…we’re friends.”

  “Mmmhmm. I know that. We’re all friends with him, Ceels. But you’re a little bit more than that.”

  Living in a house with a group of people means no going home after you spend a couple hours with somebody, like I guess people do in the normal world. Outside of sleeping and showers, Sean is around me every second of every day. As a group we train together, eat three meals, explore the property, watch movies, go for motorcycle rides, do jobs where the stakes are high and the bond grows tighter. It’s like getting to know someone on fast forward, compacting years into months. Especially the training and the missions. We’re hyper-close then, the intimacy unavoidable and intoxicating.

  And the fucking jerk has never faltered in his integrity. I’ve only become more enamored with his strong moral compass and solid, personal confidence. I hang on his every damn word, if I’m honest with myself. And until now, I was able to live in denial, head shoved in sand and purple curtain tugged firmly in place.

  Shifting my weight and avoiding her eyes I mutter, “I just like him as a friend.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Soph!” Sage hisses again, this time throwing my dropped pickle at her.

  Sofia catches it, grey eyes cruelly locked on me. “Celia, why don’t you just admit it?”

  “What’s to admit?! You already pointed out that he isn’t interested—which is obvious to everyone, especially me!—so why are you interrogating me?”

  “You really like that guy.”

  “Are you trying to hurt me?”

  Soph smirks, “You can’t be hurt if you don’t care.”

  “Great. Throw your wise philosophy at me. You know what? Go back to Luke. I’m all good on girl-time.” I storm for the door, hating how angry I am.

  “Hey Ceels, what if I told you that Luke made Sean back off?”